Tips and hints on discipline

*Children may behave badly as a way of getting attention from parents, so try to praise your child for what he or she has done well and give hugs and attention as rewards, so they get your attention from good behaviour.

*Try to concentrate on telling your children what you want them to do, instead of telling them what not to do. Let your children know how you see things, and explain why you are holding onto a boundary.

*Try to be consistent about the rules and boundaries you set, so that children know that you mean what you say.

*Don’t make threats you can’t carry out as this will just encourage them to keep pushing to find the real boundary.

*Children may push your limits but often they do this to see how firm and secure their world is - so saying no may really be what they want and need.

*If you are feeling angry and out of control, try to get some help and support for yourself - perhaps a friend or relative could give you a bit of a break to do something for yourself; perhaps you might like to talk with other parents about how they cope.

How to raise optimistic children

Do you fear the worst for your children, or feel they can do anything?

You can determine whether they grow up with a can-do attitude

Do you think positive?

Few moments conjure up the joys and freedoms of childhood more than a playground teeming with laughing, energetic children. But among all those happy-go-lucky, carefree spirits playing on swings there will be at least one anxious youngster. The same goes for the parents waiting at the foot of the climbing frame. Some will delight in their offspring's exploits; others will be waiting for the fall, the cry of pain.

Susannah, who is married and has two children, aged seven and five, can't help anticipating catastrophe. 'I have been excessively anxious since having children,' she admits. 'From the moment my first child was born I was convinced that something dreadful would happen to the baby, probably at my hands. Although that extreme anxiety has abated, it is very much still there. I am particularly terrified of car crashes and of my children drowning in the sea.'

It could be that the burden of parenthood has triggered this anxiety, but Susannah is acutely aware that it must be rooted in her own personality. 'I am discovering how negative my attitude can be. My immediate response to many things is 'we can't do that' or 'something bad will happen'.'

Susannah's husband is, by contrast, naturally optimistic and encourages his young children to test their physical capabilities – something she is grateful for. 'I wouldn't want them to internalise my belief that something bad will happen – that is so limiting. I am thrilled to see that, thanks to their father, the children are bold and full of confidence in the world and in people.' They seem to have learned, in short, the optimism she lacks.

Children who are optimistic are more able to bounce back from adversityOptimism is valuable because it enables a child to navigate a world that is as full of obstacles, new encounters and setbacks as adults experience. Optimism needs to be part of our armoury. 'We know that an optimistic view of the world is a key factor in resilience,' explains psychologist Judith Lasker. 'People who are optimistic are more able to bounce back from adversity. Children will, of course, be affected by the atmosphere in which they are brought up. However, the influence is not necessarily a direct one and will be mediated by other relationships. So a child may actually develop optimism in reaction to a parent's pessimism if they have other experiences of optimism to draw on.'

What makes a child optimistic?by parenting expert Michael Grose, author of 'One Step Ahead' (£12.99, Newleaf)

There are five building blocks of optimism:

*Having a go and persisting
*Practising skills
*Coming to terms with success and failure
*Planning for the future
*Having the belief and confidence to try again

Optimists tend to explain adverse events in the following ways:

*Adverse events are often temporary: 'It takes time to find a friend', rather than 'No one likes me'

*Situations or causes are specific: 'I am not so good at football', rather than 'I am hopeless at sport'

*Blame is rationalised rather than personalised: 'I was grounded because I hurt my sister', rather than 'I was grounded because I am a bad child'

Teaching children the skills of optimismTo promote optimism in your children, try the following four strategies:

*Model positive thinking and optimism. Let your children hear your positive self-talk

*Challenge your children's negative or unrealistic appraisals. For instance, 'Everyone hates me. I have no friends' can be challenged with 'Sometimes it feels like we have no friends, but you spent all morning with Melanie yesterday'

*Teach your child to look for the good things they do, and say them to themselves or out loud. They can look for the good things that happen in life, no matter how small

*Teach children to positively reframe their thoughts. When something unpleasant happens or failure occurs, they can actively look on the bright side. For example, 'I crashed my bike, but at least I came out unhurt' or, 'That activity didn't work but I know what to do next time'

This is an extract from a feature taken from Psychologies. For further details and to subscribe, visit Psychologies. The current issue of Psychologies magazine is now on sale in newsagents nationwide

Tips on dealing with exam stress

Exam periods are stressful times for children of all ages.

You can help them by following our useful guidelines

*Be calm, positive and reassuring and put the whole thing into perspective.

*Help them revise by re-arranging the family's schedules and priorities. Be lenient about chores and untidiness, give them a break and understand lost tempers and moodiness

*It's never too late to study, revise or ask for help

*Bribes or presents conditional on getting high grades aren't the best way to help young people. It's far better to encourage them to work for their own satisfaction and schedule small and frequent rewards for effort

*Make sure they have a comfortable place to work – and accept that some people CAN revise better with loud music or the TV on in the corner!

*Get them ready for an exam. Encourage them to get all their pens and pencils ready the night before and try to get them to go to bed at a reasonable time. On the day of the exam, try to organise a special breakfast and go through a check list with them to make sure they have everything they need

*Send them off with the knowledge that you love and support them whatever the result of the exam

*As each exam is finished, let them voice their worries and expectations, but also encourage them to let go and focus on getting through the next exam or next event, whilst listening out for any underlying serious problems

*Mark the ending of exams with a celebration, so that whatever result they get they have at least been valued and praised for having done their best

Parentline Plus is a national charity that works for and with parents, offering help and support through an innovative range of free, flexible and responsive services - shaped by parents for parents. For more information visit Parentline Plus.